Iraqi Freedom

I watched a movie yesterday called The Valley of Elah. It wasnt a very good movie. That is a shame cause I like Tommy Lee Jones. To me it seemd the point of the movie was that America was in a state of distress that we couldn't save ourself.

HORESHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shame on Tommy Lee Jones.

I still think he is great actor. Bad choice in roles.

The war is not the problem, combat is. These newer generations cant react to combat the same way that past generations did. Granted that they had the same issues that soldiers of today have but not as publicized. Plus add into the mix the media generation.
The producers, the driector, the actors werent in Iraq so fuck them.

If you have'nt been there seenit done it, shut up!!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts

I am sorry that I haven't posted lately. The thing is that I dont have much interest in anything. Its kind of a complication of the chronic fatigue and depression. I just cant seem to get the motivation to do anything. Sorry

T shirt logo

This would be my new t shirt logo

think what you will of me
make your judgements
criticize then offer advice
then go %&*# yourself

Gun truck rule #1

Run Fast

Run Tight

and

Dont Stop for shit!

Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day. from the time I got up until early evening, my anxiety and depression were in overdrive. My mind wouldnt quit racing. I tried to concentrate on other things but couldnt.

I was ready to pack my stuff and move out for good. It may have been the change in the medication I dont know we will see.

New Plan

jennifer, my psych person has started me on a new plan. We will be adding Topomax to my night time regimen to help with my sleep. I start with 5mg then work my way up to 40mg. Hope it helps.

She is switching me from Effexor to Celexa. We hope that this will lessen the depression symptoms and stop the erection problems. So I am cutting down on the effexor and increasing the celexa on a weekly basis until I am totally off one and on the other.

Hope it works.

Sleep

Here is a typical night. If I go to bed at 9 then I am up again at 11, 12, 1, 2 then 2-4 cant sleep then back to sleep and get up at 5. Then I give up and get up for the day. When I fall asleep I go into hypervigilance mode and any stimulus no matter how small wakes me up or one of my common nightmares gets me to a point of fear or frustration that I wake up sweating buckets and have to get up for 5-10 minutes and then go back to bed.

My psychiatrist has tried tremazapam, seroquel, trazadone, lunestra and ambien and nothing works so far. I almost kill for 8 hours of non-stop good sleep. As you can see from the schedule above i actually do get some sleep but no rest. If I am not hammered when I go to sleep I hardly get any at all.

I am going to see her today in Iowa City at the VA hospital. We will see what she suggests this time. Im also going to talk to her about something other than effexor. It helps for the anxiety but really doesnt seem to do much for the depression. Plus it makes it almost impossible to have an orgasm. Even though I have almost no interest in sex due to the medication, it would be nice to know that if I did my parts would work right. The high blood pressure medication doesnt help that area either. LOL.

I think there are some other meds that may help more. I hope so.